Who else got really nervous? And anyways Ive always thought maybe im the problem and ive done so much self reflection and i know where my flaws and weaknesses are but i def wasnt the one to mess that situation up. for sure. but anyway. Also im prettier. And smarter. And im a woman and im beautiful. Cant wait for school to start! i have this looming feeling in my chest that ill have no classes with any friends. Or worse yet with ******! But anyways since im instagram beauty it wont matter, its not like hell go to class anywayyyy! Meow :3 im just a little boy. U cant blame me. im a silly little boy r u rlyyy gonna blame a guy like me? a small guy on his birthday??? come aaawwwwnnn!!!! Anywayy! Im gonna apply to sunrise records i think. Perhaps. Theres no form to send in u just have to email so idek if they r hiring but it doesnt hurt to try. Lmk ! So bored and cant wait for school to start!!!!!! Going to Edmonton on the 22nd! for a couple days. Who else happy? i gues i am. what is there to do there? Tbh. But anyway yeah so thatll be fun ig. yah. Been thinking about picking up a new hobby . not sure what. i miss doing nails i gotta pick that back up.

fav playlist to get angry and think about a specific gay man to
1. sleep 2 dream -fiona
2. pretty handsome awkward-the used
3. honey this mirror aint big enough 4 the both of us-mcr
4. bulletproof love-ptv
5. i dont care-fob
6. get gone-fiona

why is he literally the killer? its getting scary.

What do i do best but complain about men that annoy me? Waterparks (band) really fucking pisses me off. Main guys name is Awsten (real spelling) Knight. Shut up dude im serious. And it pisses me off because they are some of the only bands actually making pop punk rn besides like meet me at the alter which i think is pretty okay and non offensive to my ears but just that and nothing more. Its really unfortunate that mikey way is bffs with the singer and also . Oh jesus. Sorry Im reading this thing about them right now and why the fuck do they have a lyric that goes you had your own pete wentz and patrick combined (referring to himself) Thats actually really embarrassing actually. Oh no.

Time for interactive part of blog: Fun game. Rules are: Guess which lyrics are from mcr and which lyrics are from waterparks.

1. Saints protect her now/Come angels of the lord/Come angels of the unknown.
2. I can't tweet that I wanna kill myself / But if I put it in a song, that shit goes hard as hell
3. Find out that I'm canceled, shit / But I bought a bunch of candy / As much as they would give me at the CVS
4. Steel corpses stretch out towards an ending sun scorched and black

Tell me What do you think you got that correct?! Find out next blog entry!!!!!!!!! I listened to waterparks songs to do that and jesus christ. I cant believe they are supposed to be the band carrying the mantle of pop punk. Thats concerning and rly scary. Barely pop punk to be honest. Just pop with a bit more guitar. I guess awsten knights singing isnt the worst, definitely a bit strained. I think hes trying to imitate more interesting vocalists and he just doesnt have the range but also hes trying to sound like a generic emo singer so its just really unfortunate. Also i can tell his hair is salon dyed and its the most non punk thing ever. rly cringe. why do u as a emo band lead singer not have greasy hair? grow up. Okay so now im reading he dyes his hair a new color for every era. Thx gerard way -_- Not that one guy can gatekeep dyeing hair for each album but literwally he wants to be him soo bad. DICKKKKKRIDDERRRRRRR sry his face just really pisses me off and i will find any reason to hate him. ANYWAY.

i seriously dont care if gossiping is considered rude. for one, i dont think it is, but two, literally its a girl thing and its a way of life for me and my girls …. sorry not sorry..How are we to deny women one of lifes simplest pleasures? anti girlism at its finest. Many people say oh well u wouldnt want someone talking about you that way! erm i literally dgaf. Im not around to hear it soooooo …. and if someones gossiping about me i probably deserve it tbh Been thinking a lot about mens mental health.. its so sad they have to go through so much in silence.. honestly and like nobody talks about how hard it is to be a man nowadays. Like its really sad to see men suffering and no one helps them cuz mens mental health is soo stigmatized.. . .. .. .. :(

Thx

mini unorganized ramble might turn into essay if i feel like researching:

medieval people had a need for religion but honestly i think as a society that is trying to become homogenous within itself we will see the phase out of a dominant religion probably within our lifespan. idk. well obviously christianity will still remain as supreme because white christian ideals is what the (western) world is built on but even then i think because of how covert they have to try to be with instilling this into our everydays, you see a lot less younger people genuinely being religious. I can think of one man (yellow backpack) who is a convert christian. Anway back to medieval people. Living in a little shack with your 8 children working all day and then coming home and eating broth is such a simple life so id have to imagine going to church, which is this HUGE beautiful building (only the catholics btw. No offence protestants but ur aesthetics suck tbh) that is a marvel of design even by modern standards.. hearing live organ music.. the sense of community you feel with your village.. yeah tbh. That is kind of the life. And with the minimal light pollution seeing so many stars, u cant help but think there has to be divinity in that. Being so scared about random plagues and starvation and stuff mustve suckedddddd tbh. Obviously they needed something to hope for. And also the lack of science and medical info.. true. Something is obviously going on and they were just trying to explain it. Humans love to explain and explore!!! Like i think all the world creation stories are so cute because we still dont even fully understand the formation of the world and those people thousands of years ago all came up with stories to explain it.. i love familiarity and community support.. but now that weve made a lot of scientific discoveries and we kinda know how the world works we see that religion is slowly fading!!!!!! And unpopular opinion but i think thats bad. Capitalism is trying to destroy support systems and relationships because they inhibit us from working like robot!!!!!! Of course i have gripes with catholicism .. but to say its all bad would be generalizing. Its purpose was originally to explain scary unknowable things and it created communities of people who then felt they had a place to belong. Obviously them being colonists and forcing that overtop of indigenous people wasnt good and they realized they could get a lot richer exploiting us rather than merging the communities but yk. I just think its sweet that humans all want to belong. Anyways whats up with all these ironically catholic teens?? I am one of them tbh. So interested in catholicism tbh. I do love the concepts but unfortunately in history i cannot say the same! People arent poetic anymore. They cant grasp that the bible is a poem.. a story.. allegorical.. etc. Its up for interpretation, not literal, people! Honestly as a girl i feel really disconnected from religion. Due in part that i wasnt raised religious but also girls arent really thought about. Theres so much debate surrounding womens role in the church and nothing about the boys because it was made for them. It pisses me off! Idk for me personally, i used to be am atheist but i just felt like it made me really defeatist and pessimistic. Not saying that atheism causes that for all, but at least for me, having nothing to believe in just like. Ugh. Idk. I like thinking that theres something unexplainable!! I love a little mystery. But honestly i dont even think a woman has created a religion? Just saying. But thats okay i guess. As society increasingly becomes more and more isolated.. people become haters. And of course im a proud hater but im not gonna lie and sit here and say that im not also supperrrr jealous. Like being a hater isnt a good trait. But also im a girl so whatevs. Im not saying that we should all become religious, but we could all learn something from the sense of community that churches give people. Whens the last time you felt connected to your local community? Like never, right?? That is really sad and messed up. This is the reason i get depressed playing stardew. Its such a sweet town and everyone knows eachother and they have yearly activities with eachother its so cute and sweet. But back in feudal days these people lives sucked hard except for when they went into church! Of course thats by design, towns were largely ran by the church so of course theyd want people to look only towards christianity as the one good thing in their life, but at least they were happy to pray. Not to say their life was good.. Infact it was often very very bad unless u were rich but like ya Ok

My fav quote atm has to be the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb not for the message, i couldnt care less, but the wording is pretty neat i think. But like ya.

Theres this passage in the bible that goes

She is more precious than rubies; nothing you desire can compare with her (Proverbs 3:15). and i think thats so sweet!I believe the heavy misinterpretation of the bible leads people to missing out on some cute little messages. Love thy neighbour! .Anyways what im trying to say is that i am an ethel cain fan who appropriates catholicism and likes joan of arc a Healthy amount. Speaking of joan actually

bitches on tiktok rly piss me off. Do i think seeing visions of saints in your garden as a young girl is normal? no. does that definitively mean joan was schizophrenic? no!!! and everyone on tiktok is taking her story and painting it as if nobody believed her because she was an insane girl. they talk about how sad it is that she was misunderstood while continuing to misunderstand her!!!!! obviously yes her gender played a role in her trial (the cross-dressing charges she faced) but the people of the time definitely believed her…..? and even in that time when the trial was ongoing it was heavily criticized. how can joan be a martyr for france and have led an entire army if no one respected her? also shes literally canonized by the catholic church. simply saying shes schizophrenic is skipping over a lot of historical context. medieval mysticism and religious devotion obviously looks weird to the modern perspective, people arent claiming to be messengers of god anymore, so looking back at when ppl did, its easy to put a modern medical diagnosis on them because they are crazy by todays standards. it just makes me upset when people on tiktok claim she was delusional girl. they are doing the same thing the trials people were doing and not listening to her. i bet theyve never even read the trials transcripts. im not going to deny or confirm whether she was controlled by divinity and supernatural cuz obviously i dont know but IT MAKES ME SO ANGRY!!!!!!!! like yes obviously a peasant girl having the ability and insight to win a war is incredibly rare and extraordinary. thats why she was respected. but also by just writing all of it off as she was delulu girl ******* style is ignorant of her whole journey as a knight.

in andrea dworkins book Intercourse, theres a chapter on virginity and she talks about joan in a very interesting perspective that i believe to be both respectful and a fair perspective on who she was. im paraphrasing but basically one part says that joan refused to be female, and she really wasnt up until she died. i find this take refreshing because not once does dworkin claim she was schizophrenic and crazy, nor does she pretend that everybody despised joan at the time. But yeah joan never really was a woman. her virginity was a really important part of her faith and she cross dressed out of convenience and to be undesired. i find it really interesting that her fellow soldiers didnt want to have sex with her because they saw her as an equal on the battlefield. men are so fucking insane.

anyway. she rejected every form of womahood she could and rejected social order .. shes so cool :3

im not one to say to respect the church because Duh its catholics. but u cant idolize joan without respecting the church in some sort of way. like u cant ignore and reject her faith thats sort of the most important part of her???? r u stupid????

end of story u bitches do NOT know how joan of arc felt stop pretending like u do. kill you are self. K sorry i got a little angry... My point still stands..

I want hoover soooo bad hes literally my dream man oh my goddd!!!!!! what a little cutie i need him

Ok thanks

B4 i leave u all for another three months… shoutout to my BFFS my fellow Eating Disorder Queens Anna et Logan. U r my best friends.... ... .. . congrats logangster for 1k tiktok army!!!!!!!!! I cheered, who else?

bai