due to the birthday incident of saturday, i got 3 new books im excited to dive into! i began reading a girls story by annie ernaux. she writes, very successfully, about the naiveity, excitement, and mystery of the elusive young teen girl. A figure in literature that i have yet been able to capture in my own writing , yet ernaux, who admitedly is way older and has had much more time to reflect on the period i am still in, writes about her to a scarily accurate degree. Everything she writes about i can relate to my own memories and feelings of just last week. What i find particularly interesting is how she separates her current self from the girl of 58. I often do that too and it instantly made me even more gravitated towards the writing and life of annie ernaux. She mentioned she was named after french singer annie cordy, so i decided to put some music of hers on while i read. its so cheerful and joyful. i love 1950s french music u people are crazy. I spent the first third of the book tearing UP my box of pocky (thank u nancy) and then the rest of the book slack-jawed and wide eyed in the shock of drama and accuracy. Im nearly 3 quarters done with the book and i love it so far. Thank you prabh my wonderful girlfriend for getting me this book i am going to give you many kisses. I will read hood feminism next and jazz and the woman destroyed (thank you logan for promising to lend!) i find the concept of sharing books with your friends so joyful and intimate and cute. My little libraries. You all should read a book.

(feb 28) just finished reading a girls story. What the helll . I think im going to kill myself. The book was so good and felt like she was writing about me the entire time. I wont delve into the details (i will be institutionalized) but i have turned the margins of the pages into diary entries and are too deeply personal to lend it out. sorry. But if you can find a copy pleasseeeee i employ you to read it its seriously such a good read. Its really quick too. I have been reading it in small incriminates and finished in 3 days. one line that particularly stuck out to me was:

how am i to conduct myself? with freedom

as a woman intellectual, i find this question at the forefront of my mind every single time i do anything ever. even if you dont buy into trends. Like clean girls and feminine girls and coquette and whatever. Even if you dont buy into that thats still a male fantasy you appeal to. You are a messy girl. Youre a manic pixie dream girl. Heroin Chic. You arent like those basic bitches, you are different and more complex. You have cool interests and you arent like those females.Theres always a label for women no matter what you do. YOU CANNOT ESCAPE IT.

Its hard for me to be so critical thinking and theory literature reading all the time because the truth is, it makes me very depressed. When i start thinking about the way in which women cannot be autonomous, i get so pessimistic and want to shut myself off from the world. Damsel in distress? however, its unrealistic to assume that you can stop successfully talking to men all together. Theyre like half the population. it makes me want to cry all the time that i struggle to separate the wonderful boys in my life from the scary men that have instilled my internal obedience (from fear) to them. As an idea, men are icky and scary and scare me loads and obviously on a personal level i do love a lot (very few) of them. Anyway. Im sorry for making you alll read something that isnt brainless and stupid and happy and makes no sense at all.

Im a venus aries. I dont know what that means but if any astrology freaks do pls pray tell. Im curious. I dont rly believe in astrology but everytime i find out something in my chart and i read about it its scarily accurate and so i really respect astrology believers. Its too confusing for me to understand so i choose to stay ignorant

ughhhhh pedroooo

i love when people interact with me unprompted when they dont know me. Who are you? Your elusive and mysterious figure captivates me. Or like when people i dont really know follows me on instagram but we have lots of mutual friends so itd be weird to not accept them so i do but i know we will never be friends like, whatttt!!!

need more walking dead fangirls in my life. I need people who will obviously misconstrued concepts and thematic tones of the show to create ponysonas of old men. On my art account my mutual showed their ponysona of daryl and thats how fans of the show should be. Before i started it i did a deepdive on quora and on there its a lot of rly homophobic twd fans complaining thats theres too many gay couples in the later seasons and its not realisitc to have that many gay people in one group. I think they forgot that the show is about a zombie apocalypse and that the walkers wouldnt even survive a week in the real world. Who cares about the gay people? I want to see blood and guts !!!

that scene in X where the girl from pitch perfect yells at pearl, move you old bitch and then pearl pushes her into the lake is so funny looking back. The timing of it is great. i think the movie is just okay.

the other night i watched THREE MOVIE! Technically two just because i was finishing one off but i watched the pssion of joan of arc, je, tu, il, elle, and 68 kill. The joan of arc one was boring to the normal person trapped in my brain but to the joan-reincarnation part, Love. it was basically an hour and a half of the judges of joans case gaslighting her and then she burned and then they died. The actress who played joan of arc was so good and so scary. It was in french and is a silent film so it was a good practice for me. Although i dont speak it fluently and have some language gaps i could kind of understand what was going on. I think to make it better i wouldve added a techno/dubstep soundtrack over it. Overall though very good

Can someone buy me Kafkas letters to milena please. Or better yet write me an equivocally romantic letter thats like 4 pages long that describes (in detail) everything you love about me? Thank you. I will cherish it forever and marry you maybe. Not even maybe, i absolutely will. Who want me?

btw i just want to say if i ever have a conversation with you and then the next blog i publish has a paragraph on the same exact thing i said just know i wrote it before hand and sometimes i just have to spoil my blog topics. sometimes they are just too good. Someone should start tracking when i say im going to publish a new blog and when i actually do and find the average because im guessing its like 5 days buffer. I think i maybe told someone i was publishing this one on thursday? i dont remember. Whatever. im not letting myself publish this until im done my art project (ms reilly ur going to hell)

It is March 1 . I am finished that art project (ms reilly is in hell i pray) Its stupid and i dont want to talk about it. I am writing this at lunch and its loud and i want to LEAVE . What the hell! you people are freaks and big headeded. Math is next. i hope i die. I need a tutor i think. Im so chrinically bad at math i cant name a time in my life ever where i wasnt confused and on the verge of tears. I am fixated by people who are good at that. How is it possible you keep so many numbers in your head at all times? losers and nerds and geeks to be honest. I am getting heart palpitations and will die soon. I think im going through a heartattackGoodbye.

The other night i was calling with my bffs in the whole universe and of course we invited hardrocknick in the gc. Obviously. And what we didnt expecr was him READING OUR MESSAGES making fun of him. Seriousl what the hell. I cried and begged anna to remove him off the chat. im rly scared of hrn. but she didnt. hes still in the chat and we just found out he replied to a sticker on annas story asking what she should name a snowman she made. He said Ike for anyone curious. I fear one day he might join the call.